When God wanted you to journey…

Narinig ko yung line na yan kanina sa Feast. We were tackling about the story of Joseph the Dreamer and how he forgave his brothers.

Kapag tayo nasaktan, isa sa mga pinakamahirap maramdam ay yung pagmamahal ng Diyos. Kasi mas nakikita natin yung sakit, yung hirap at tska yung mga mali. Hindi natin naiintindihan sa umpisa kung bakit natin pinagdadaanan yon.

Last 2016, I was badly hurt by the person I never thought who will. He knew what I went through. He knew everything about me, my fears, my past, my insecurities and all my secrets BUT unfortunately, hindi yun assurance na hindi ka niya sasaktan. Kaya mas nagiging masakit kapag nagawa nila. And because of the pain that I felt, at that time, I don’t want to be friends with him. That is how pain can ruin beautiful relationships. But still I chose to forgive. Mahirap pero iisipin mo nalang yung mga mabubuting nagawa sayo nung tao na yon. Sabi nga din kanina, FORGIVENESS DOES NOT NECESSARILY FRIENDSHIP which is true. We forgive because it frees us from the burden of being bitter and it gives us inner peace.

Nung mga panahon na yun, hindi ko maintindihan bakit nangyari sakin yon. I realized just tonight that GOD WANTED ME TO JOURNEY. And this is one of my long journeys with the Lord. This journey made me appreciate the beauty of friendship and how forgiveness can heal broken relationships. The person I was talking about was also hurt when I said that I do not want to be friends with him. But he did forgive me for what I said and still wanted to be friends with me.

My takeaway: EVERY JOURNEY THAT I WILL GO THROUGH IS ALL PART OF GOD’S PLAN. Whatever it may be, whenever or wherever it will be, it will always be part of His perfect plan for me. He would always want me better. He made me realize that THERE IS JOY IN FORGIVENESS and when we choose forgive, we gain more.

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Mommy Diaries 02

It has been 6 months. 6 months of being a mother and swear hindi siya madali.

Akala ko ang struggle is yung wala kang tulog, yung palit ng diaper, yung pagpapatulog and pagaalaga but in reality there’s more to being a mother.

Naalala ko yung first time magkasakit ni Yanna, sipon. Kawawa naman kasi di siya makahinga but mas mahirap pala kapag kinakabag yung baby, kasi di siya makatulog tapos iyak lang siya ng iyak, kasabay ng iyak niya yung iyak mo din kasi hindi mo na alam yung gagawin mo. Anyway, hindi naman yun yung ikkwento ko.

At 2 months (si Yanna), nagback to work na ako. Yes, 2 months. Andami xempre nagtanong sakin ng ‘BAKIT?’, ‘KAYA MO IWAN ANAK MO?’, ‘KAYA MO IWAN SA YAYA? ANG BABY PA NIYA MASYADO.’, ‘PANO MILK NIYA?’ at madami pang iba. Napatanong nga ako ng ‘Does that make me a bad mom if gusto ko magwork para maprovide yung needs ng anak ko?’. Not everybody would understand.

There are times na others will also question how you take care of your baby. Madami ako naririnig na dapat ganito, bakit hindi mo to ginagawa, and many more. Minsan kaya kong dedmahin but minsan it will get to you, like kakainin ka ng buhay and maiiyak ka nalang tapos you’ll also start to ask yourself the same questions na pinipilit mong dedmahin.

On going out. Madami din xempre magtatanong kapag nasa labas ka, ‘Sino nagaalaga ng baby mo?’, ‘Kaya mong mawala ng matagal? Ako kasi hindi eh’, ‘Hindi mo ba namimiss?’ and ang worse part, may magsasabi din sayo ng ‘May anak ka na, hindi ka na dapat lumalabas, alam mo na dapat ang priority mo. Dapat nagaalaga ka lang ng anak mo’. I don’t know bat may mga ganyang tao. Hahahahaha.

Unprocessed thoughts. Lahat ng decisions ko ngayon, Yanna will always be my number 1 consideration. Always the best for her. Hindi magiging maayos ang anak ko kung ako mismong nagaalaga sa kanya hindi maayos.

I was (I think) on the edge of having PPD. Lagi akong malungkot, always questioning lahat ng ginagawa if that’s the best for Yanna, kahit ayoko magpaapekto sa mga sinasabi ng mga tao, minsan mapupuno ka nalang talaga tapos iyakan party nalang and then maiisip mo na ‘Am I being a good mom that may daughter deserves?’. That’s when I decided I need to work. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko naman kailangan magtrabaho, but it was a personal decision because kapag hindi, mababaliw ako. Mas kawawa si Yanna coz hindi ako emotionally healthy. Puro bad vibes maipapasa ko sa kanya. Not everyone may understand but it was more of a sacrifice than an escape like what other thinks. Who would want to spent time working than spending time with your baby? Gets ba?

I really admire working moms kasi hindi naman talaga madali mapalayo sa anak kahit na 8hours lang yan. Why would you choose stress when you can take pictures of your cute baby?

Mommy Diaries 01

0-15 weeks. I DID NOT KNOW. 

At 16 weeks. Positive on blood test and urinalysis.

At 17 weeks. I saw blood. I was really scared. I was crying. I do not know what will happen. Fortunately, with the help of all the meds (10 tablets per day) I had to take, the spotting stopped. Thank you, Lord.

18-32 weeks. I was not gaining weight but my tummy is getting bigger. I was happy taking baby bump pictures and taking videos of Yanna moving. Besides that, we had to take a lot of laboratory tests to make sure I was healthy and can be able to deliver the baby via NBS. It was also confirmed that my baby is indeed a girl.

At 33 weeks. I was bleeding and the blood was more than my previous spotting.  We thought there was a leak in my amniotic sac. My cervix was dilated at almost 3cm.  After 2 days at the hospital, complete bed rest without bathroom privileges, not allowed to laugh my heart out, all the medication and laboratory tests, Yanna was still inside my tummy. Praise God. 

***I pushed myself to the limit that is why this happened. Yanna’s lungs will only mature at 34 weeks. She was not ready yet. My doctor had to give steroids for her lungs if she will come out. I felt that I was not taking care of her enough. 😦

34-36 weeks. COMPLETE BED REST. There was a time we went to the hospital because I thought the pain I felt was the start of contractions but it was not.

At 36 weeks and 6 days. Check up day. Yanna’s heart rate was slower as compared to normal and was advised by my doctor to start monitoring her movements. I was still at 2cm for two weeks already. The good thing is that, I was almost at 37 weeks and was safe to deliver the baby anytime. We were able to stretched it for 3 more weeks. Praise God again.

At 37 weeks and 3 days. I knew there was already something wrong because she was not moving as much as before. We went to my doctor for a regular checkup on June 28 and I was advised to be admitted already and the rest was history.  Even though I was expecting it, I was scared. For the past few months, I refrained from watching birthing videos because I could not handle it. 

June 29, 2017. The first time I saw her, unlike in movies, there were no happy tears but I fell in love with her right away. I wanted to kiss her and hug her but being in labor got the best of me. (I wanted to share in detail what happened inside the birthing room but I cannot put it into words.) I got to see her smile the first time when the nursers greeted her a happy birthday. After that, I cannot wait to sleep for 2 full hours at the recovery room after all the post birth procedures and eat when I am transferred at my room. 

LIANNA JANE

  • Yanna | nickname
  • June 29, 2017 | birthday
  • Female | gender
  • 2.3 kgs| weight
  • 47 cm | length
  • sleep, drink milk, poop| hobbies
  • being swaddled | like
  • new born screening | dislike
  • mommy and daddy | first love
  • white complexion, thick hair, long eyelashes, eyebrows not visible yet| description
  • Milk and sleep is life. | motto

Welcome Yanna! You are an answered prayer. I love you!

Happy 2nd, Epic!

Quezon City., October 1, 2016 – Epic Events, a family of young, driven, and passionate individuals brought together by their collective love for the art of organizing, managing and/or producing events, celebrated their 2nd year anniversary by having a birthday gig at Mow’s Underground Bar which aimed to support and promote the local independent music scene.

Epic Events invited SUD as their headliner since their first produced gig. Playing for the second time were Rob and the Hitmen and There’s Era. First timer bands to play were Jensen and the Flips, Peryodiko, Run Dorothy and Zipcode.

Zipcode, a band formed in Los Angeles, opened the show and it was their first gig here in the Philippines. Run Dorothy performed next, singing songs from their EP ‘Sanguine’ which they launched last August 1, 2016. Peryodiko caught the hearts of the people when they sang their original song “Tayo Lang Ang May Alam”. There’s ERA, who consider themselves a punk rock/ alternative rock band, sang “Kung Kailan Kailangan Ka” which gave feelings to all feelings. Rob and the Hitmen played some of their English original songs and switched the mood by singing Closer by The Chainsmokers and gave it a different zest the hitmen way. Jensen and the Flips played next. They got the audience flipping at Stay With Me, singing “Alright, alright, alright, alright” with them and mashing-up different songs for the intro of Dangerous. Last but definitely not the least was SUD. Their song “Sila” is a must play now that it is becoming everyone’s favorite. SUD did not disappoint, their songs reminded us to always #bringyourlover. They definitely delivered a finale set for Epic Events’ 2nd anniversary.

One of the heart touching moment during the gig was when Peryodiko’s front man Vin Dancel talked about how laborious it was to run a production company. It became an affirmation for the people behind Epic Events that what they were doing is beneficial to the local independent music scene– putting up an event with bands of diverse genres and sharing the music to old and new audience.

Shout out to Foodpanda for sponsoring discount vouchers for all the attendees. Amplify.Ph, IndieManila, Support Your Local Indie Scene and WhenInManila.com for being their media partners and Mow’s for housing the event. Epic Events would also like to express their appreciation to all sponsors, media partners, venue partners, suppliers and to all those who has been supporting and believing in them from the very start.

These three-leg anniversary gig — PreGame, Over Coffee and Epic Year 2, produced by Epic Events was their way of sharing also their passion for all types of events and production with the goal of creating lifelong memories and long term friendship.

From Epic Events “See you next year, awesome people!”

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