Friendship Appreciation Post

I know that I’ve been messed up
You never let me give up

Know that we don’t look like much
But no one fucks it up like us

This was suppose to be a Song of the Week post pero wala ee. HAHAHAHA! Gusto ko umiyak nung first time ko to narinig. Kanina while I was on my way to work, napakinggan ko ulit so, I felt a little emotional (normal me, hehe) and dahil don its friendship appreciation day.

Cheers to all my friends who have been there for me through all the seasons of my life. Bukod sa pamilya ko eh kayo lang naman ang priority ko. All of you keep me sane and insane at the same time. Kayo yung reminder sakin ng Diyos na love na love niya ko at kaya ko ding magmahal. Di ko ma put into words how grateful I am for the friendship. You made simple moments memorable kasi kayo kasama ko. More of our tawanan, hugutan,iyakan, chikahan, bastusan, inuman at marami pang iba. Lagi kayong nasa dasal ko.

   
  
 

Song of the Week: EVERGLOW by Coldplay

So, kagabi ko lang to narinig at punong punong puno siya ng feels. Mej emotional na ko for the past two days. May mga nabasa at nalaman about the past na sana hindi nalang.

Lines that struck me the most are:

when it feels like the end of my world
when I should but I can’t let you go?

so if you love someone, you should let them know
oh the light that you left me will everglow

When we love someone, we have to show it. When we have loved someone, it stays there because the love (that was shared)has became a part of you no matter what.

I have researched the meaning of the song. Awwww. it hurts, hurts deep…

To me, it’s about–whether it’s a loved one or a situation or a friend or a relationship that’s finished, or someone’s passed away–I was really thinking about, after you’ve been through the sadness of something, you also get this everglow. That’s what it’s about.

Thank you, Chris Martin!

Suck and Sweet 002

February 11, 2016 | Manila Doctor’s Hospital, 7th floor.

Suck: Mamang’s still in the hospital, 3 days and counting. ☹️

Sweet: Mamang’s lab results are all normal. // For three days now, I am going straight here at the hospital after work and I am reminded of how blessed I am to have my family. We are one solid family (Roman Empire), in good times and in bad. We are having dinner, watching teleserye, bashing teleserye actors, eating our favorite cake, collecting Php20 from everyone for bff fries, and taking care of Mamang together

Blessing > Burden

It burdens me to think that someone is worried about me. It hurts me the most when I know that they wanted to help but the only person who can help me is me. It pains me to make them feel that they cannot help me.

It is a blessing to know that you have the best support system in the whole wide world. To know that you will not be left alone. To feel that you will be loved no matter what you are going through. I thank God for them.

My Prayer: Father, I cried to You so many times. You know exactly what is happening to me and what is in my heart. Give me strength to endure all of this. – I know You have the best plan for me. AMEN.

For what it’s worth.

I’ve had the time of my life.

If I were to make a list of my ganap-s this year, andami. (Ganap means mga pangyayari sa buhay kong makulay) I chose to live my life according to what I really want.  As long as it made me happy, then I would go for it.

The best part?? I was with the best persons. I had the most supportive family,  best circle of friends,  and flexible work schedule. I felt like the universe is with me. From sleepovers, to weekend getaways and spontaneous adventures, to coffee dates until dawn,to late night drinking sesh and bar hopping, to movie marathons, to epic events, to gaining weight and many more. This year was definitely one for the books.

But now, I am at the point of saying “I’ve had enough”. I’m done with being so carefree and definitely done with yolo-ing. Now, I am asking myself questions like “What am I going to do now?”, “Which direction am I heading?”, “Am I ready to turn to the next chapter?”, I do not know the answer. I cannot adult. I don’t even know what to think about it. I just can’t.

I have been struggling for a few months now. The reason? I do not know. I felt that there is something wrong and I don’t know what to do about it. I am trying not to act how I feel. Some say this is the so-called quarter life crisis. I am not used to this. I feel offbeat. I miss me. I miss the person who always choose to see the positive side in every circumstances. I miss the person who chooses to stay secure no matter what.

The one good thing about this struggle is that I am starting to know myself more. I know that I am capable of loving even if I am afraid of getting hurt. I can have a healthy conversation with you even if I have a hard time translating my thoughts into words. I can fight for what/who I love even if it costs me my pride. I know what and who are important to me. I can keep my emotions until I cannot take it anymore and burst out of nowhere which is not good. Passive, sentimental, picky and moody.

At the same time, even if I am somewhat bold in some things that I intend to do, I feared the word risk, specially when it comes to life’s decisions. I only took calculated risks and it has to be in favor of me. I was guarded.  I have high walls and those walls that I’ve built also broke me. I am still the same girl who is afraid to confront her demons. Her insecurities, her weaknesses, her fear of the future, her fear of making mistakes, her fear of being not good enough, her fear of growing old alone, her fear of being the type of person who is hard to love or her fear of regrets.

Sometimes I want to run away, run away from everyone and everything. But that is me being a chicken. I would want that but it will not do anything good. At the end of the day, whatever battles I am fighting, what really matters is who I am and who I have become after everything. Soon, I can finally say “I MADE IT!”

My Prayer: Father, please search my heart, and make it clear to me where I need to be.