When God wanted you to journey…

Narinig ko yung line na yan kanina sa Feast. We were tackling about the story of Joseph the Dreamer and how he forgave his brothers.

Kapag tayo nasaktan, isa sa mga pinakamahirap maramdam ay yung pagmamahal ng Diyos. Kasi mas nakikita natin yung sakit, yung hirap at tska yung mga mali. Hindi natin naiintindihan sa umpisa kung bakit natin pinagdadaanan yon.

Last 2016, I was badly hurt by the person I never thought who will. He knew what I went through. He knew everything about me, my fears, my past, my insecurities and all my secrets BUT unfortunately, hindi yun assurance na hindi ka niya sasaktan. Kaya mas nagiging masakit kapag nagawa nila. And because of the pain that I felt, at that time, I don’t want to be friends with him. That is how pain can ruin beautiful relationships. But still I chose to forgive. Mahirap pero iisipin mo nalang yung mga mabubuting nagawa sayo nung tao na yon. Sabi nga din kanina, FORGIVENESS DOES NOT NECESSARILY FRIENDSHIP which is true. We forgive because it frees us from the burden of being bitter and it gives us inner peace.

Nung mga panahon na yun, hindi ko maintindihan bakit nangyari sakin yon. I realized just tonight that GOD WANTED ME TO JOURNEY. And this is one of my long journeys with the Lord. This journey made me appreciate the beauty of friendship and how forgiveness can heal broken relationships. The person I was talking about was also hurt when I said that I do not want to be friends with him. But he did forgive me for what I said and still wanted to be friends with me.

My takeaway: EVERY JOURNEY THAT I WILL GO THROUGH IS ALL PART OF GOD’S PLAN. Whatever it may be, whenever or wherever it will be, it will always be part of His perfect plan for me. He would always want me better. He made me realize that THERE IS JOY IN FORGIVENESS and when we choose forgive, we gain more.

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Mommy Diaries 01

0-15 weeks. I DID NOT KNOW. 

At 16 weeks. Positive on blood test and urinalysis.

At 17 weeks. I saw blood. I was really scared. I was crying. I do not know what will happen. Fortunately, with the help of all the meds (10 tablets per day) I had to take, the spotting stopped. Thank you, Lord.

18-32 weeks. I was not gaining weight but my tummy is getting bigger. I was happy taking baby bump pictures and taking videos of Yanna moving. Besides that, we had to take a lot of laboratory tests to make sure I was healthy and can be able to deliver the baby via NBS. It was also confirmed that my baby is indeed a girl.

At 33 weeks. I was bleeding and the blood was more than my previous spotting.  We thought there was a leak in my amniotic sac. My cervix was dilated at almost 3cm.  After 2 days at the hospital, complete bed rest without bathroom privileges, not allowed to laugh my heart out, all the medication and laboratory tests, Yanna was still inside my tummy. Praise God. 

***I pushed myself to the limit that is why this happened. Yanna’s lungs will only mature at 34 weeks. She was not ready yet. My doctor had to give steroids for her lungs if she will come out. I felt that I was not taking care of her enough. 😦

34-36 weeks. COMPLETE BED REST. There was a time we went to the hospital because I thought the pain I felt was the start of contractions but it was not.

At 36 weeks and 6 days. Check up day. Yanna’s heart rate was slower as compared to normal and was advised by my doctor to start monitoring her movements. I was still at 2cm for two weeks already. The good thing is that, I was almost at 37 weeks and was safe to deliver the baby anytime. We were able to stretched it for 3 more weeks. Praise God again.

At 37 weeks and 3 days. I knew there was already something wrong because she was not moving as much as before. We went to my doctor for a regular checkup on June 28 and I was advised to be admitted already and the rest was history.  Even though I was expecting it, I was scared. For the past few months, I refrained from watching birthing videos because I could not handle it. 

June 29, 2017. The first time I saw her, unlike in movies, there were no happy tears but I fell in love with her right away. I wanted to kiss her and hug her but being in labor got the best of me. (I wanted to share in detail what happened inside the birthing room but I cannot put it into words.) I got to see her smile the first time when the nursers greeted her a happy birthday. After that, I cannot wait to sleep for 2 full hours at the recovery room after all the post birth procedures and eat when I am transferred at my room. 

LIANNA JANE

  • Yanna | nickname
  • June 29, 2017 | birthday
  • Female | gender
  • 2.3 kgs| weight
  • 47 cm | length
  • sleep, drink milk, poop| hobbies
  • being swaddled | like
  • new born screening | dislike
  • mommy and daddy | first love
  • white complexion, thick hair, long eyelashes, eyebrows not visible yet| description
  • Milk and sleep is life. | motto

Welcome Yanna! You are an answered prayer. I love you!

Friendship Appreciation Post

I know that I’ve been messed up
You never let me give up

Know that we don’t look like much
But no one fucks it up like us

This was suppose to be a Song of the Week post pero wala ee. HAHAHAHA! Gusto ko umiyak nung first time ko to narinig. Kanina while I was on my way to work, napakinggan ko ulit so, I felt a little emotional (normal me, hehe) and dahil don its friendship appreciation day.

Cheers to all my friends who have been there for me through all the seasons of my life. Bukod sa pamilya ko eh kayo lang naman ang priority ko. All of you keep me sane and insane at the same time. Kayo yung reminder sakin ng Diyos na love na love niya ko at kaya ko ding magmahal. Di ko ma put into words how grateful I am for the friendship. You made simple moments memorable kasi kayo kasama ko. More of our tawanan, hugutan,iyakan, chikahan, bastusan, inuman at marami pang iba. Lagi kayong nasa dasal ko.

   
  
 

Song of the Week: EVERGLOW by Coldplay

So, kagabi ko lang to narinig at punong punong puno siya ng feels. Mej emotional na ko for the past two days. May mga nabasa at nalaman about the past na sana hindi nalang.

Lines that struck me the most are:

when it feels like the end of my world
when I should but I can’t let you go?

so if you love someone, you should let them know
oh the light that you left me will everglow

When we love someone, we have to show it. When we have loved someone, it stays there because the love (that was shared)has became a part of you no matter what.

I have researched the meaning of the song. Awwww. it hurts, hurts deep…

To me, it’s about–whether it’s a loved one or a situation or a friend or a relationship that’s finished, or someone’s passed away–I was really thinking about, after you’ve been through the sadness of something, you also get this everglow. That’s what it’s about.

Thank you, Chris Martin!

Suck and Sweet 002

February 11, 2016 | Manila Doctor’s Hospital, 7th floor.

Suck: Mamang’s still in the hospital, 3 days and counting. ☹️

Sweet: Mamang’s lab results are all normal. // For three days now, I am going straight here at the hospital after work and I am reminded of how blessed I am to have my family. We are one solid family (Roman Empire), in good times and in bad. We are having dinner, watching teleserye, bashing teleserye actors, eating our favorite cake, collecting Php20 from everyone for bff fries, and taking care of Mamang together

Blessing > Burden

It burdens me to think that someone is worried about me. It hurts me the most when I know that they wanted to help but the only person who can help me is me. It pains me to make them feel that they cannot help me.

It is a blessing to know that you have the best support system in the whole wide world. To know that you will not be left alone. To feel that you will be loved no matter what you are going through. I thank God for them.

My Prayer: Father, I cried to You so many times. You know exactly what is happening to me and what is in my heart. Give me strength to endure all of this. – I know You have the best plan for me. AMEN.