This Holy Week, I have been struggling in listening with what the Lord wanted me to realize. Before that, let me take you to a tour inside my fat brain.
I have been exerting effort in regaining my self worth and have been thinking if I am even good enough. Don’t get me wrong, I know my worth but yeah, I fail to remember and it hurts, big time.
I am afraid, afraid to be loved by someone. The only love that I will allow to receive and will allow to feel are those coming from my family and really close friends. I tend to push people away from me.
I may look strong on the outside, I actually am but everybody has their own limits and I know mine. If you really know me, you will know when I had enough and you will never know it unless you will really hear and feel me. And even if you have hurt me, you will never know. Ugh!
Even before Holy Week, I am always asking myself this question– “How can I love more?”
And finally, I was able to stop and reflect on my own question. The answer is really simple….
If you (ako to, hahaha!) will choose to love more, love without conditions. NO IFs and NO BUTs.
Sounds simple yet the hardest thing to do. But still, the Lord gave me the freedom, if I will choose to love, that’s it. There is no turning back.
At the same time, God wanted me to experience His unconditional love. He wants me to stop building walls (of pride, selfishness, anger, hate, perfection etc.) around me and allow myself to be loved by others.